Friends… or more? April 21, 2009
Posted by livelaughhopelove in Uncategorized.Tags: the joys of dating, to call or not to call
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When two people like each other, they typically begin on this fun journey that we call dating.
However, in order to get on this Dating Road, you need to have a conversation. I’ve had conversations that have gone on for hours. I’ve had “conversations” that only occurred via email and text messages. I’ve had off-hand comments, questions, I’ve had serious inquiries.
The common thread in all of these does not lie in the method of communication. Rather, it lies in the fact that I’ve been sitting pretty, waiting for Mr. Wrong to ask me out. And he has. In many forms, at many times.
Lately, I’ve wondered if it’s time for me to be the one asking. I tried to think back on my decade plus of dating and I can think of two instances where I’ve asked the guy out. Once he agreed and then stood me up. The second time, he just said no right off the bat. So my track record isn’t so good.
I have been going back and forth on this. I’ve envisioned his reaction… I’ve actually imagined pretty much any possible reaction. For awhile, I was focusing on the negative (being prepared and all). And I know what The Secret would say about that, and lately I’ve been focusing on the positive. Maybe that’s my sign to go for it.
Three strikes and I’m out? Eh, I don’t think so. The second one wasn’t really a date. There may have been other, less memorable times I’ve initiated as well. The thing with this situation? Is that it isn’t a guy that I’ve met, hung out with a couple times in a group and gotten a number. This is a guy who has been a good friend for five years. And lately, is moving into what could be best friend territory.
But I don’t want to be stuck in the friend zone if there is a chance for a kissing zone.
I just need to make the first move. And that’s easier said than done.
Honesty October 21, 2008
Posted by livelaughhopelove in Uncategorized.Tags: it's all about me, the joys of dating, to call or not to call
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I’m an honest person. I’m the friend that tells you how that dress really looks, what I really think about that restaurant, and what I really think you should do about the guy that you’re on the fence about. I give real advice, and while I’m not rude, I don’t sugar-coat things. My friends know this about me, and when they want to hear the truth, they come to me. Granted, this is only my opinion, but I’m not going to lie.
And most of the time? They appreciate it. They appreciate me telling them to go ahead and call him, to forget about him because he’s not worth it, to not order the chicken at that restaurant, to try the local beer on tap. When I have an opinion, I’ll share it. I’m not shy.
This honesty thing is not a positive trait when it comes to dating. And guys. Sadly, we don’t live in a world where I can tell I guy I barely know what I’m thinking. I would love to call him up and say hey, we had a great time on Saturday night. I think you’re fun and I’d like to get to know you better. I know I could do that, but I also know what the result is.
They are intimidated. This may be 2008, but guys still like to be the one with the control, with the power. And the girl picking up the phone first? Takes that away. Scares them off. I’ve been there. Have I asked guys out before? Yup. I’ve been rejected, and they’ve accepted. Because I know where I stand and feel the need to tell others where I stand as well.
I’ve had to tell people I wasn’t interested in them. I’m not going to pretend, I’m not going to lead them on. I’ve confessed to guys that I was interested in them, and had that awkward silence in return. But you know what? At the end of the day, I know I tried. I know I put myself out there, and yes, maybe I made a fool of myself, but I did it anyway. And if they are scared or intimidated by some innocent thoughts? Then maybe they aren’t compatible with me, after all.
Maybe I will call. Tempt fate. Throw it out there to the universe and see what happens. Because right now? He’s certainly not calling me. I will never see him again. And worst case if I call? He doesn’t call back. And how is that different than right now?
