Monday Meme June 22, 2009
Posted by livelaughhopelove in Uncategorized.Tags: it's all about me
add a comment
I can’t…
Function without caffeine in the morning
Drive a stick shift, no matter how many people have tried to teach me
Seem to ever get to work on time
Parallel park
I can..
Speak in front of any size group of people and feel comfortable
Talk to strangers
Make some pretty darn good meals and desserts
Drink you under the table (and beat you in flip cup)
I won’t…
ever settle.
Wear shoes that make my feet hurt anymore
Sing in public (unless I’m drunk)
Reveal too much unless I feel comfortable around you
I will…
Always say what I’m thinking, even when sometimes I shouldn’t
Be there for you when you need it
Admit to being addicted to F-Book
Write when I need to figure out what I’m thinking
I shouldn’t…
Drink beer as much as I do
Go out on work nights
Let the dirty dishes (and laundry) pile up as much as it does
Get a new cell phone this much, as much as I really want one
I should…
Laugh more, drink less, sleep more, spend less, exercise more, eat less, call more, text less…
Really re-consider taking two classes in the fall
Appreciate the big things and the little things in life more than I do
Be proud of myself for what I’ve accomplished and who I’ve become
Idea borrowed from http://brainyjane22.wordpress.com/
No Filter April 17, 2009
Posted by livelaughhopelove in Uncategorized.Tags: it's all about me, what's wrong with me?
add a comment
I am sarcastic. I have a strange sense of humor. My mind is usually in the gutter. I usually try to control this at work, but once I start feeling comfortable with people, this “real” side of me comes out. And quite often, people are surprised.
This nice, sweet, innocent girl with the wide blue eyes and contagious laugh is really a dirtbag 17-year-old boy?
Sadly, yes. It’s an interesting realization when it happens. I usually end up feeling badly about something I said and then wondering if I happened to offend someone. I’m never rude, but inappropriate? Yes, I guess you could call it that.
It’s a fine line between the attitude that I’m currently carrying: this is me. Take it or leave it. If you like me for me, awesome. If you’re easily offended, this isn’t going to work. I don’t always have a “filter.” Things fall out of my mouth all the time that sometimes, I wish I could take back. I make a comment to someone that I shouldn’t have made. My questions can be too intrusive.
Or maybe this (not the fact that I know sports trivia) is the reason I’m still single. Sigh.
One of the guys April 2, 2009
Posted by livelaughhopelove in Uncategorized.Tags: it's all about me, the joys of dating
2 comments
My mother, in one of her bouts of infinite wisdom, decided to call me with some advice the other night.
“You are too much like one of the guys,” she told me. “You may want to tone it down on the sports knowledge and talk. Guys don’t want someone that is one of the guys. That’s what they have their guys for.”
I told her that sounded like something from a 1950′s guide to dating.
I honestly wasn’t sure where she was coming from. Because I like to hang out at the sports bars and drink beer? Because I’m proud when my bracket is in third place in my work pool? Because I know the teams, I know the games, I bet with the guys. I’m in their “snake draft” for teams. I can talk with authority why my final four picks were better than yours.
I know about the World Baseball Classic. I know when Opening Day is at the new Citi Field and the new Yankee stadium. I know which teams are in the American League and which are in the National League. I know the difference between the leagues.
I know which football teams are in the NFC vs. the AFC. I participate in the “suicide pool” each year. I play Fantasy football in a league with all guys.
I eat lunch with the guys. They talk about this stuff every day. It sinks in. And because I know about it, when I watch the games, it makes more sense. I enjoy it. And call me naive, but I believe that the right guy for me will like that quality about me. He will know that I’m not looking to interfere on guy time. I’m not one of the guys. I’m just the cool girl who can put on a baseball cap and drink beer while watching the game. And I might just know a thing or two about the game.
Run Down December 15, 2008
Posted by livelaughhopelove in Uncategorized.Tags: it's all about me, relationships
1 comment so far
It’s truly been a whirlwind three weeks. This is the first night I’ve had to myself in literally three weeks. And it shouldn’t be mine. I’ve got a soccer team (my favorite soccer team) about to take the field in about 15 minutes. I’m bundled up with blankets and hot tea. My fever spiked this morning while I was standing outside of work, where they wouldn’t let us in the building because of a fire.
Apparently standing outside in the cold isn’t good for you when you’re sick. But once the fever spiked, I started shivering and I crawled home to my bed where I proceeded to sleep for almost three hours.
I did have intentions to go play soccer, but I decided to rest this once. I have an action-packed rest of December, and I want to be healthy for it. So taking it easy one night is fine. I have dinner plans for the next week (through next Monday when it’s soccer day again!) and then it’s holiday madness.
Oh and work? Stressful, thanks for asking. So today is a day for me. A night for me. I did the dishes, I did some laundry, ironed some clothes, bought Xmas cards, and have forced myself to relax. My body is pretty smart and it’s giving me a warning sign (okay the fever may have been more than a warning sign… the sore throat Friday night may have been a warning sign… and staying up till 3 a.m. didn’t help…).
So all and all, I’m happy. I’m tired and I’m still sick, but I’m happy. It’s Christmastime and even though I’m kind of Scrooge-ish, I’m happy. I have a job. I have a job that I love. I have my condo that I can still afford to live in. I am healthy (not counting the fever today). I have incredible friends and family. And I have an amazing boyfriend that cares about me more than I could have ever asked for. He’s showed me that I can love and trust again, and I couldn’t ask for anything more.
So money is tight this Christmas, but really? I have everything I could ask for.
(But Santa? If you really feel the need to send presents, I would love LOST on DVD… Seasons 1-4 would be perfect.)
Walls November 10, 2008
Posted by livelaughhopelove in Uncategorized.Tags: it's all about me, the joys of dating
add a comment
Text reads: “I’ve built a wall not to block anyone out but to see who loves me enough to climb over it”
I saw that as a piece of flair on facebook today and while I wasn’t sure I wanted to add it for the world to see, I liked it. That’s what I’ve done. I’ve built a wall to protect myself. I don’t want to block anyone out, but I need to be careful on who I let in. And I shouldn’t have to open a door to let them in… maybe they should try to find a way in without me just giving them one.
I never thought of it like that. I always thought I’d have to be the one to open up, to take the pieces of the wall down. To make it easy for them to get in when I was ready. But really, I should be looking for someone who builds a staircase, who gets a ladder, who wants to get to know the real me badly enough that they will show me that they are willing to work for it.
I’m not sure I’ve ever had that. I’ve always let down my walls, sometimes too early, sometimes too late, sometimes not at all. But why not let someone climb those walls? If someone really wants to be with me, he will do that. I’m not going to say he should, but he will. And if he’s really right for me, he’ll do it without even thinking about it.
And that’s who I want. I know this sounds a little Prince Charming-like, but call me naive. I want the fairy tale ending. I want the romance, the passion, the true love. Who doesn’t want that? And in all those fairy tales, the knight in shining armor came through for the princess or the girl. Now, I’m hardly a princess, and I don’t even know how to clean shining armor, so we don’t need to go that far. But I want someone to want to get to know me.
What makes me tick, what makes me smile. I want them to want to meet my friends, my family. I want them to wish me luck before a soccer game and tell me to have a safe flight before I fly. I want them to know that it’s the little things that are the way to my heart, and they will do it. I don’t need jewelry or flowers; I want someone who wants me to be the last person they talk to each night and the first person they see when they wake up. I want them to respect me for who I am and what I do and not want me to give any of that up. I want them to love me for the person that I am right now. They’ll know that as time goes on, I’ll change (as people do), but like Mr. Darcy in Bridget Jones, I want to be loved just the way I am. Walls and all…
All By Myself November 3, 2008
Posted by livelaughhopelove in Uncategorized.Tags: it's all about me, much ado about nothing
1 comment so far
I wonder sometimes why I feel like I need to have someone else in my life. I feel like I’m looking for a relationship, a boyfriend, but maybe I should be focusing more on myself. I do like myself. I have no problem lying on my couch with a blanket, my laptop, and the remote. I have friends, I have activities, I keep busy.
Two months ago, I thought my world was shattered. I looked in my day planner and just saw empty space. I didn’t know what to do. Instead of feeling sorry for myself (for too long), I adjusted. I lived for me. I immersed myself in my class. I joined soccer again and started looking for indoor teams. I decided to join a kickball team, figuring if nothing else, it was something to do on Saturday afternoons this fall.
Now? My schedule has been full. I’ve gone to dinner, drinks, happy hours, wine tastings with friends. I’ve gone to football games, weddings, parties. I have been asked to join four different indoor soccer teams (unfortunately three of them play on the same night, and it’s the same night I have class right now!). Kickball has been amazing, and through that, I’ve created an even bigger circle of people to go out with.
I’ve been asked out, I’ve been kissed, I’ve been asked to dance. I’ve joined a gym. I’ve started cooking again. I’ve done a lot of cleaning, decorating and making my condo into my home. The past two months haven’t been easy, don’t get me wrong. Letting go of someone that you loved is difficult. And I’ve kept busy. I’ve let myself lean on my friends and my family, and they’ve been wonderful. I’ve allowed myself to cry and give myself pep talks to get out of bed. I haven’t done either of those things in probably about a month now.
I’ve let go. Do I still get pangs of missing him? Yes, but not him, missing someone. Missing someone in my life to share things with, to laugh with, to cuddle with, to be with. I fear that I miss someone too much. That I’d settle just to have someone by my side. I know I deserve someone that appreciates me for who I am. Who respects me, is honest with me, and will love me unconditionally. I deserve a relationship based on trust, communication and respect. I deserve to be happy.
I am comfortable with myself, and I know that can be an attraction to others. I’m down to earth and honest, and if people aren’t intimidated by that, they are drawn to it (I’m refering to men and women, both friendships and relationships). But inside, I’m scared. I’m scared I’ll never find someone that I want to spend the rest of my life – and who wants to spend the rest of their life with me. I’m scared of trusting someone only to have my heart trampled on again. I’m scared of letting someone in, of wasting my time, of wasting their time, of settling.
I’m rambling. I’m contridicting. I’m not even sure what the point of this was. I apologize for rambling about nothing.
Oh and PS – Mr. NG has seemingly disappeared. Another one bites the dust.
Honesty October 21, 2008
Posted by livelaughhopelove in Uncategorized.Tags: it's all about me, the joys of dating, to call or not to call
1 comment so far
I’m an honest person. I’m the friend that tells you how that dress really looks, what I really think about that restaurant, and what I really think you should do about the guy that you’re on the fence about. I give real advice, and while I’m not rude, I don’t sugar-coat things. My friends know this about me, and when they want to hear the truth, they come to me. Granted, this is only my opinion, but I’m not going to lie.
And most of the time? They appreciate it. They appreciate me telling them to go ahead and call him, to forget about him because he’s not worth it, to not order the chicken at that restaurant, to try the local beer on tap. When I have an opinion, I’ll share it. I’m not shy.
This honesty thing is not a positive trait when it comes to dating. And guys. Sadly, we don’t live in a world where I can tell I guy I barely know what I’m thinking. I would love to call him up and say hey, we had a great time on Saturday night. I think you’re fun and I’d like to get to know you better. I know I could do that, but I also know what the result is.
They are intimidated. This may be 2008, but guys still like to be the one with the control, with the power. And the girl picking up the phone first? Takes that away. Scares them off. I’ve been there. Have I asked guys out before? Yup. I’ve been rejected, and they’ve accepted. Because I know where I stand and feel the need to tell others where I stand as well.
I’ve had to tell people I wasn’t interested in them. I’m not going to pretend, I’m not going to lead them on. I’ve confessed to guys that I was interested in them, and had that awkward silence in return. But you know what? At the end of the day, I know I tried. I know I put myself out there, and yes, maybe I made a fool of myself, but I did it anyway. And if they are scared or intimidated by some innocent thoughts? Then maybe they aren’t compatible with me, after all.
Maybe I will call. Tempt fate. Throw it out there to the universe and see what happens. Because right now? He’s certainly not calling me. I will never see him again. And worst case if I call? He doesn’t call back. And how is that different than right now?
Comfortable October 14, 2008
Posted by livelaughhopelove in Uncategorized.Tags: it's all about me
2 comments
For the first time in a long time, I feel comfortable in my own skin. I am happy with the way I look (most of the time). I’m happy with my weight, with my hair, with my skin. Or, rather, I’ve accepted that’s who I am. My hair will never be straight. It will also never be curly. It does its own thing and that’s fine. I will never be a size zero. I work out, but I also enjoy beer and guacamole. It’s a trade off that I’m willing to live with.
I am happy with who I am. I may not be into high fashion. I may not spend hours getting ready in the morning. I may not even know the proper way to apply eyeliner, but it’s me. I’m not going to pretend to be someone that I’m not. I am most comfortable in jeans and sneakers. If you can think I’m attractive after I’ve played a soccer game or ran five miles, then you will always find me attractive.
I had a dream the other night that I was in Vegas and for some reason, I was wearing green soccer socks (pulled up, with shorts) and sandals. Obviously this seemed like a good idea at the time, but I had no issues walking around like that. Keep in mind this was a dream and this was Las Vegas, but still. This is me. If I feel like wandering down the strip in shorts and soccer socks, so be it. It won’t phase me at all.
Because I am comfortable with myself. I am confident and I know this confidence doesn’t come from being a size zero and wearing outfits that cost one month’s paycheck. I’m happy being me. Wearing the clothes that I bought at Old Navy two seasons ago. Wearing sneakers and jeans and my Adidas warm-up jacket. I can be comfortable in a dress and heels. Or work clothes. No matter what I wear, I can be comfortable.
And this is something I’m proud of. It takes a lot of work on yourself to be comfortable with yourself. Trust me, I know. Within the past decade, I had such an issue with this, I needed professional help to get past it. But I did. And once you’re comfortable with yourself, you can feel comfortable doing almost anything. Walking into a bar alone? Sure. Traveling solo? You got it. Joining new activities? Talking with strangers? Mingling at parties? Yup.
Because once you believe you’re awesome… it’s just a matter of time before everyone else believes it as well.
Accomplished October 8, 2008
Posted by livelaughhopelove in Uncategorized.Tags: it's all about me
add a comment
I decided I wanted a new TV for my birthday. So I started researching, I got money as birthday presents and then I put my bonus check toward what I wanted. Over the weekend, I brought home my 40″ flat screen LCD TV. Today I watched programming that I DVR-ed last night.
On my own, I:
- researched what TV would be best for me and where to get it at the best price
- purchased said TV and got it in my car, in my house, up the stairs and on the TV stand (after taking the old 27″ TV upstairs to the bedroom)
- researched HD/Digital options and went to the cable company to pick up a HD/Digital box, sign up for DVR service and switch my internet to cable (from DSL)
- set up the HD/Digital box to my TV, set up the DVR and set up the cable internet – MYSELF
And I’m pretty darn proud of myself.
What a month October 1, 2008
Posted by livelaughhopelove in Uncategorized.Tags: it's all about me
add a comment
It’s been a long September and there’s reason to believe October might be better. Actually that’s not true. There’s no reason to believe that October might be better. It’s always just depressing to imagine it being worse. So instead of dwelling on a sad September, here is a list of things from the past crappy month that still made me happy.
The smell of fall. That cool, crisp air that comes in – the temperature where you can have the windows open and not freeze just quite yet. My down comforter. Oktoberfest. Oktoberfest in a pint glass. Strong hugs. The shower after a good workout. Soccer in the mornings before there is frost on the ground. Friends who are there when you need them to be. Learning who my real friends are. Family that proves that they will always be there for you, no matter what. Random acts of kindness. People who go out of their way because they know you need them right now. Clean sheets. The smell of clean laundry. Taking out the garage. Using real toilets – not Honey Buckets. Singing karaoke. Meeting new people. Showing off my amazing flip cup skills. Strangers waving at me. My green tea in the morning. Downloading songs I like off iTunes. Game night. Catching up with old friends. Finding things I never knew I had while unpacking. Finding $5 in my soccer bag. The foilage. Moments of feeling like myself again. Ice cream with hot fudge. Feeling that I will be okay. Playing kickball in the rain. Being able to laugh. A steak that cost $93 and was amazing. Seared scallops. Wednesday night beers with my classmates. Catching the clock at 11:11 at least once a day. Wishing on the clock, on the stars. New TV shows. Trying new recipes. Trying new wines. Flights that are on time. Meals paid for by my boss. Watching HBO in a hotel. Sleeping in. Staying out late. My garage. My (still new) washing machine. Impressing others with my sports knowledge. Knowing that I’m still really bad at pool. Cheese and crackers. Writing. My mom’s mashed potatoes and blueberry buckle. Knowing that I’m capable of truly loving someone else. Knowing that I am capable of letting someone love me. Knowing that I have more patience than I have given myself credit for. Knowing that I am much stronger than I give myself credit for. Knowing that I have no regrets in that relationship. That through it all, I still haven’t lost hope that I will find the right person for me. I still haven’t lost faith in men, in relationships, in love. I still believe in my happy ending.
That does make me happy.
