Live. Laugh. Hope. Love

Good Friend May 30, 2009

You know how people say that when you do something good for someone else, it makes you feel better about yourself? It’s 100% true.

I was a good friend yesterday. I had plans to hit up happy hour with some friends that I hadn’t seen in awhile until my phone rang Thursday night. One of the girls that I play soccer with and am friends with was in tears. She had broken up with her boyfriend of two years that morning and she was miserable. It was too late that night to do anything, but she didn’t have any plans for last night and wanted to know what I was doing.

“Coming over and seeing you,” I responded, not giving happy hour a second thought.

“Okay,” she sobbed. I told her to give me a call when she got out of work and we’ll figure it out.

We touched base at about 5 o’clock and she was headed to an appointment and then home and she’d call when she got home. My phone rang about 45 minutes later to her in tears. Her ex had come over, taken his things and left hers and her key in a bag with a note. She was a mess. She told me she didn’t want to do anything tonight; she just wanted to cry. She said she needed to compose herself and she’d call me back.

I waited about 15 minutes. Then I started gathering things: Wheat Thins and cheese (she’s not going to eat anything, I need to eat something, and maybe I can convince her to have a few crackers), a comedy movie (that we’re not going to watch), and vodka. That I know she’s not going to want right now, but I would leave it because she would want it soon. Oh, and a box of tissues. I drove to her place.

I called from her parking lot, kind of feeling like a stalker.

“I know you don’t want to do anything or see anybody,” I said. “But I want to give you a hug. Because that’s what friends do. And if you want to be alone, I will leave. But I’m giving you a hug first.”

She burst into tears again and told me to come in.

I sat on her couch for over 4 hours and just listened. She went over the whole relationship, the good and the bad. She cried. She missed him. She knew it was for the best. But it was sad. And I understood. I’ve been there. I was just there in September. And I could relate. I knew what it was like feeling lost. Like a part of you is missing. Wondering if you did the right thing. Knowing that it wasn’t working and you were just so tired of trying. Knowing that you shouldn’t have to try so hard. I’ve been there. I’ve been through all the stages.

And I was so grateful for my friends during those first few weeks. So that’s what I’m doing for her. I was there last night. I’ll see her at soccer today and Wednesday. I already told her next Saturday we’re going shopping in the afternoon and to a party at night. I’m helping her fill her time. She was freaking out that she had booked a hotel for the 4th of July weekend for a get-a-way. I told her we could still go. Get some girls together and make it a girls weekend instead. Fill the time with people and activities. Time eventually heals.

She was very appreciative of my efforts last night. I was there. I was someone to talk to, and that was what she needed. Company who would listen and let her cry and let her ramble. Someone to tell her it’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to feel pain and loss. And it will get better.

By the end of the night, I had her smiling. There was even some laughing. I felt like a success. I felt like a good friend and a good person. I did the right thing and I felt so good about myself. I felt like I was giving back to all of those people that were there for me when I needed them. I helped her feel better, and in turn, felt better myself. And that was pretty amazing.