On Family December 28, 2011
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Love wasn’t a great, burning brushfire that swept across your soul and charred you beyond recognition. It was being there, simply that. It was a few people, standing together in a living room, trimming a Christmas tree with the decorations that represented the sum total of who they were, where they’d been, what they believed in.
- Kristin Hannah
You know what amazes me? How humans can love. After everything we go through, how we are still willing to bare ourselves to another person just for the sake of love. We bring our families in and get them attached to someone and they just embrace that person (most of the time). A complete stranger, not related by blood, is accepted as part of another family.
I am lucky. I spent Christmas with my husband’s family and then after Christmas, we do dinner with my family. At both houses, the love and acceptance is overwhelming. As I sat at the table, following Christmas dinner with his family, I felt the love. His family is dealing with a tough situation, and the way the family banded together immediately was so impressive for me. They were willing to do whatever it took to make life easier for someone else. If there was a problem, they would help. No questions asked. I felt blessed to be part of such a family that cared so much about each other.
At my parent’s house, I sat, Indian-style on the floor. My mom was to my left, my brother was behind me to the right, and my dad was in front of me to the right. My husband sat directly in front of me. We had piles of presents in front of us. My mom had just crocheted a blanket for our dog and gave it to him for Christmas. The dog took the blanket and made his bed in it on the floor next to me. He curled up, in his new blanket, his back touching my knee. We were a family. We were content, and again, I felt blessed.
I read that quote in a book this past week and it resonated with me. I thought of my husband and our tree in our little condo. We have ornaments from the college we both attended. We have ornaments from each place we’ve been to together: Chicago, Minnesota, Denver, Detroit, Cape Cod and more. We have ornaments that resemble our little beagle. We have “our first Christmas” ornaments, we have an ornament with our first Christmas as an engaged couple, and we have a family Christmas ornament that we received this year. The tree is us. It’s not him, it’s not me, it’s us. It has a few soccer ball ornaments and it has Star Wars ornaments. It has a Cubs ornament and a Brewers ornament. We are different people, but we come together and make a family. Our family.
Adult Letter to Santa December 19, 2011
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Dear Santa,
I’ve been a good girl this year, I promise. I haven’t, admittedly, been a very good blogger. I really haven’t been a blogger at all, if we’re being honest. I’ve done some Fantasy sports writing (and by some, I mean at least one 1,500-word column weekly). I’ve worked hard (most of the time) at my job. I’ve paid (almost) all of my bills on time and I haven’t shown up at my parents doorstep at 2 o’clock in the morning after calling them and nearly giving them a heart attack like some other family members that shall remain nameless.
I’ve done a lot of great things, and it’s been a good year. I got married, I turned 30, I didn’t get trapped in any airports, and I didn’t injure myself. I played a decent amount of soccer, I went on a wedding diet, and looked spectacular for my wedding. I’ve since gained that weight I lost back and the gym serves as an institution that sucks $40 from our bank account each month with no benefit to us.
I do miss blogging my adventures, although I must admit, my adventures as a married woman are a lot less exciting as a single girl. Our Friday nights? Consist of video games and going to bed at 10 o’clock. We closed a bar for the first time ever together last month. Anyway, I just want to let you know that there really is only one thing I want for Christmas this year. If Christmas is truly the time to ask for things for yourself, here’s my one Christmas wish: to have a child in 2012.
I know. Trust me, Santa, I know. I’m just as shocked as you to see that as the one thing on my Christmas list. But I’m ready. I’ve found a great guy who I know will be a great dad. He even believes I’ll make a great mom. We love our doggie, but somehow that doesn’t compare to a little human being. I understand the science of it, but I do believe there is a higher power at work as well. I believe things happen for a reason. And if Christmas is the time of miracles and making wishes come true, that’s mine.
I promise to write more. I promise to not turn into a baby blog. I promise not to focus on things that may not occur. I promise to look at the positive things I have in my life. I promise to accept each individual milestone and enjoy the moment. It’s been one heck of a ride, and I’m ready to keep going.
Thanks!
Happy July 23, 2009
Posted by livelaughhopelove in Uncategorized.Tags: much ado about nothing, relationships
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Happy?
Are you?
Are you now?
Are you now happy?
Now.
You are.
You are happy.
You are happy now.
And I’m happy for you,
The Universe
~
Thank you, Universe, for that today. Because you know what? I am happy.
Overall, anyway. Today, being stuck in Chicago when I should be home… I’m not happy. But what do I have to come home to? A great guy who is making me dinner. A condo that I love and can afford. I can afford it because I have a good job that I like as well. A job where I have to travel all the time. Which is what sometimes doesn’t make me happy.
But I won’t complain. My life is full. My life is good. So yes, Universe, I am happy. This is what happiness should be. Love, friends, family. Home, work, food. Work and play. Happy hour and conference calls. Hugs and kisses. Tears and laughter. A balance… but one that just may tilt a little bit toward the side of happy.
Monday Meme June 22, 2009
Posted by livelaughhopelove in Uncategorized.Tags: it's all about me
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I can’t…
Function without caffeine in the morning
Drive a stick shift, no matter how many people have tried to teach me
Seem to ever get to work on time
Parallel park
I can..
Speak in front of any size group of people and feel comfortable
Talk to strangers
Make some pretty darn good meals and desserts
Drink you under the table (and beat you in flip cup)
I won’t…
ever settle.
Wear shoes that make my feet hurt anymore
Sing in public (unless I’m drunk)
Reveal too much unless I feel comfortable around you
I will…
Always say what I’m thinking, even when sometimes I shouldn’t
Be there for you when you need it
Admit to being addicted to F-Book
Write when I need to figure out what I’m thinking
I shouldn’t…
Drink beer as much as I do
Go out on work nights
Let the dirty dishes (and laundry) pile up as much as it does
Get a new cell phone this much, as much as I really want one
I should…
Laugh more, drink less, sleep more, spend less, exercise more, eat less, call more, text less…
Really re-consider taking two classes in the fall
Appreciate the big things and the little things in life more than I do
Be proud of myself for what I’ve accomplished and who I’ve become
Idea borrowed from http://brainyjane22.wordpress.com/
On Dating June 15, 2009
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There’s something about dating… that’s why so many movies and books are created about that very subject. There’s something about the nervous anticipation, about wondering what someone else is thinking. There’s something about being on your best behavior, being wined and dined, going to great places, staying up later than you should, just trying to learn as much as you can about someone, trying to spend as much time as possible with them without smothering them. There’s something about that anxiety about waiting by the phone for them to call. There’s something about picking out an outfit and shaving your legs and carefully applying make-up that is just exhilarating.
It also sucks. It sucks to get so excited about someone, to have so much hope and promise and be let down time and time again. Because when dating fails? It’s because one person doesn’t feel the same way as the other. And no matter which side of that you’re on, it sucks. Not break-up level sucking, but more like hitting-your-head-on-a-table-because-you’ve-been-dating-since-you-were-15 kind of sucking. Frustrating, I’m-so-tired-of-this sucking. And you begin to wonder how many times you are going to have to go through this.
But that beginning part? The part where you just glow for days on end because of the whole, “I think this guy really likes me!” part… that’s the feeling that keeps you going back for more. When you are just happy… you had a great date. He called the next day and already made plans for a second date… You don’t know where it’s going to go, what’s going to happen. Maybe you’ll get bored. Maybe he’ll lose interest. You don’t know. You just know the magic of good first dates and kisses that make time stand still. The newness and exhilaration make you forget about the horrible gut-wretching sobs and heartache you endure when it’s all over. The beginning is so good that you remember it, you want it back years into the relationship… and you are willing to go through it all again and again.
Good Friend May 30, 2009
Posted by livelaughhopelove in Uncategorized.Tags: breaking up, friendships, relationships
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You know how people say that when you do something good for someone else, it makes you feel better about yourself? It’s 100% true.
I was a good friend yesterday. I had plans to hit up happy hour with some friends that I hadn’t seen in awhile until my phone rang Thursday night. One of the girls that I play soccer with and am friends with was in tears. She had broken up with her boyfriend of two years that morning and she was miserable. It was too late that night to do anything, but she didn’t have any plans for last night and wanted to know what I was doing.
“Coming over and seeing you,” I responded, not giving happy hour a second thought.
“Okay,” she sobbed. I told her to give me a call when she got out of work and we’ll figure it out.
We touched base at about 5 o’clock and she was headed to an appointment and then home and she’d call when she got home. My phone rang about 45 minutes later to her in tears. Her ex had come over, taken his things and left hers and her key in a bag with a note. She was a mess. She told me she didn’t want to do anything tonight; she just wanted to cry. She said she needed to compose herself and she’d call me back.
I waited about 15 minutes. Then I started gathering things: Wheat Thins and cheese (she’s not going to eat anything, I need to eat something, and maybe I can convince her to have a few crackers), a comedy movie (that we’re not going to watch), and vodka. That I know she’s not going to want right now, but I would leave it because she would want it soon. Oh, and a box of tissues. I drove to her place.
I called from her parking lot, kind of feeling like a stalker.
“I know you don’t want to do anything or see anybody,” I said. “But I want to give you a hug. Because that’s what friends do. And if you want to be alone, I will leave. But I’m giving you a hug first.”
She burst into tears again and told me to come in.
I sat on her couch for over 4 hours and just listened. She went over the whole relationship, the good and the bad. She cried. She missed him. She knew it was for the best. But it was sad. And I understood. I’ve been there. I was just there in September. And I could relate. I knew what it was like feeling lost. Like a part of you is missing. Wondering if you did the right thing. Knowing that it wasn’t working and you were just so tired of trying. Knowing that you shouldn’t have to try so hard. I’ve been there. I’ve been through all the stages.
And I was so grateful for my friends during those first few weeks. So that’s what I’m doing for her. I was there last night. I’ll see her at soccer today and Wednesday. I already told her next Saturday we’re going shopping in the afternoon and to a party at night. I’m helping her fill her time. She was freaking out that she had booked a hotel for the 4th of July weekend for a get-a-way. I told her we could still go. Get some girls together and make it a girls weekend instead. Fill the time with people and activities. Time eventually heals.
She was very appreciative of my efforts last night. I was there. I was someone to talk to, and that was what she needed. Company who would listen and let her cry and let her ramble. Someone to tell her it’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to feel pain and loss. And it will get better.
By the end of the night, I had her smiling. There was even some laughing. I felt like a success. I felt like a good friend and a good person. I did the right thing and I felt so good about myself. I felt like I was giving back to all of those people that were there for me when I needed them. I helped her feel better, and in turn, felt better myself. And that was pretty amazing.
Time Travel May 21, 2009
Posted by livelaughhopelove in Uncategorized.Tags: thoughts on stuff
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This post is inspired by the TV show LOST. For those that don’t watch, it’s okay, you can still follow. For those that do, you’ll see where I’m coming from. That’s all.
Here is a question that has been proposed in the last few episodes of the show: If you knew what you know now and could go back and erase the last 3 years (and all knowledge that occurred in those three years), would you? If, three years ago, you were on the cusp of a major decision and you could now go back, would you?
All of the people that you’ve met, all of the friendships, relationships, hook-ups, break-ups that you’ve had… all gone. You’d get to start again. But maybe you’d make the same mistakes because you don’t have the knowledge. If, during your senior year of college, you were offered the chance to take it all back, to send in an acceptance letter to another school, and start again (with no learned knowledge from your current experience), would you?
Would you end up in the same place? (The Sliding Doors theory)? Or would your life take an entirely different turn? If you were destined to have your heart broken on your 21st birthday, would that happen no matter what? A different guy, but same outcome? If you were destined to break your ankle and have surgery on it when you were 23, will that occur even if you didn’t join the soccer team?
It’s an interesting concept, destiny. It’s kind of disturbing to think that free will doesn’t have a play in life. That the choices I’m making are because that’s what is supposed to happen. That everything that has happened in my life happened to get me to where I am today (27 and single? Thanks, destiny).
Would I go back in time and change things and hope (but not guarantee) a better outcome? Nah, I don’t think so. All of those tears and laughs really did make me who I am today. And honestly? I kind of like me.
Flags May 4, 2009
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We use Microsoft Outlook at work. I am a fan of the different colored flags you can use to tag the messages sitting in your Inbox. Blue is for meetings and appointments, red is for urgent, yellow is just for follow up, etc. All of those flags mean I have something to do, someone to respond to, something to prepare for.
All of those flags means something to do besides think. Because when given free time, when given time to think, that’s what I do. I think about the possibilities. I think of things that will never happen.
I use flags. I research client’s problems and set up meetings and appointments. I look forward to conference calls.
I make color-coded flags.
10 Things April 23, 2009
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10 Things Girls Should Know How To Do
1. Change a tire
2. Put together a piece of simple furniture (e.g. end table)
3. Break up with someone gently and honestly
4. Ask someone out (not saying we should have to)
5. Turn someone down gently and honestly
6. Go on a date and stick to her guns about how far it’s going to go (see also: be able to say no)
7. Run in heels
8. Be able to cook something for any meal (or dessert)
9. Go on an interview and appear confident and strong (and follow up with a strong handshake)
10. Know when to walk away (from a job, a relationship, a friendship, a house…)
10 Things Girls Should Have
1. An outfit that you feel comfortable in to go out to a nice dinner, to go out to the bar/club, and to lie on your couch in
2. One perfect dress to wear to a wedding or formal occasion
3. A great best friend/confidante
4. A tool box
5. A passport
6. Condoms on hand
7. Alcohol in the fridge
8. A pair of knee-high (f-me) boots
9. The perfect bra – it fits well, the straps stay up, it makes the girls look good… you know.
10. Confidence in herself, no matter what
Friends… or more? April 21, 2009
Posted by livelaughhopelove in Uncategorized.Tags: the joys of dating, to call or not to call
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When two people like each other, they typically begin on this fun journey that we call dating.
However, in order to get on this Dating Road, you need to have a conversation. I’ve had conversations that have gone on for hours. I’ve had “conversations” that only occurred via email and text messages. I’ve had off-hand comments, questions, I’ve had serious inquiries.
The common thread in all of these does not lie in the method of communication. Rather, it lies in the fact that I’ve been sitting pretty, waiting for Mr. Wrong to ask me out. And he has. In many forms, at many times.
Lately, I’ve wondered if it’s time for me to be the one asking. I tried to think back on my decade plus of dating and I can think of two instances where I’ve asked the guy out. Once he agreed and then stood me up. The second time, he just said no right off the bat. So my track record isn’t so good.
I have been going back and forth on this. I’ve envisioned his reaction… I’ve actually imagined pretty much any possible reaction. For awhile, I was focusing on the negative (being prepared and all). And I know what The Secret would say about that, and lately I’ve been focusing on the positive. Maybe that’s my sign to go for it.
Three strikes and I’m out? Eh, I don’t think so. The second one wasn’t really a date. There may have been other, less memorable times I’ve initiated as well. The thing with this situation? Is that it isn’t a guy that I’ve met, hung out with a couple times in a group and gotten a number. This is a guy who has been a good friend for five years. And lately, is moving into what could be best friend territory.
But I don’t want to be stuck in the friend zone if there is a chance for a kissing zone.
I just need to make the first move. And that’s easier said than done.
